Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
