We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
