life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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