Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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