is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
