Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
