she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
