Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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