Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
