I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize