i would punch a child for taco bell
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize