every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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