i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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