She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
