I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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