i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
