who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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