Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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