Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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