I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
