I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
