Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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