Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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