her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Boobs are out for the taking
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
