so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
