The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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