Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think your dad took our porno
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
