k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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