Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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