Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
