i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
