I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
