I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
