i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
