dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
