dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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