toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
