i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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