new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize