I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
