My liver just broke up with me...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
