After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
