I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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