you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just had sex on a roof
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
