I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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