Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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