PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
