i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's shark week go big or go home
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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