Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
