There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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