Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
