If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
