Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
