Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
