I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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