He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
