I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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