My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
