I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
