did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
