i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
