i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
