I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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