What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
