pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
