I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
