Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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