I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
