wanna go halves on a baby?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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